Tell a Telemarketer What?

A few zingers to snap back at these annoying people!

Mitchell’s Mortuary - You book ‘em book, we cook ‘em.

Cheats and Sheets - You slap ‘em, we’ll clap ‘em.

Tip and Shaft - You want her front or back.

Roadside Motel - We haven’t had a death for 2 days. How many rooms do you need?

Harry’s House of Wizards - Where we put wands inside her? How can I help you?

You’re not supposed to start with the fist - two fingers first. Bob’s Beaver house, how many I help you?

Moe’s Weiner Hut - we got more weiner than you need.

Average Man’s Shipping - no package is too small.

Pleasers and Teasers Dating Service - you want a one-night stand or something long-term?

Tammy’s Taco Shack - You gotta sniff it before you lick it.

Spanks and Skanks - It may look tight but it’s now, how can I help you?

Goodman’s Love House - We may finish in minutes, but we don’t hit it and quit it.

Local Sperm Bank - We freeze ‘em so others can breed ‘em. How many kids would you like?

Little Bill’s Sausage Hut - size doesn’t matter if you get enough.

Dick’s Oyster Farm - it’s better to shuck it before you suck it. How many are in your party?

Shady Hardware - Our hoes will definitely dig up the past. How may I help you? Also have groupons.

Martin’s Mirror Factory - What you see is what you get. If you don’t like what you see, blame your mother.

Cannibal Hotline - Remember, they’re your friends. Not food! How can I help you?

Thanks for calling, for as little as 75 cents a day, you can help me give a shit again. Would you like to start your own membership, today? Please help me give a shit!

Wecare.com - For $99 dollar a month, we’ll care for 5 minutes. What the problem is?

Best friends hotline - We promise not to sleep with your husband or wife while you’re at work. Who wronged you? Who did it?

Jimmy Crapped Corn but I don’t care. Jimmy’s my cousin and he has digestive problems. Can you help Jimmy?

Hurt feelings hotline - You should probably get over it because nobody gives a shit. OKAY...BYYYEEEE!!!

Hey Tom, after I pull it out am I supposed to put it back in? And how many times do I poke it before I see juices? I don’t think I’m cooking this meat right.

Two girls lemonade and a chocolate stand - We only offer one cup and if you don’t get the reference, you have the wrong number

Experience pipe layers - We lay perfect pipe every time. We guarantee to please your needs. What size pipe will make you happy?

Jenny’s Adoption Agency - You make ‘em, we take ‘em. If you’re calling you obviously didn’t swallow.

Ditcher, Quick and Hyde, divorce lawyers - We’ll help you get the most of your divorce and flee the country.

Boats and Hoes - You pick ‘em, we ship ‘em. Price varies on distance.

If you have a tinge in the minge or a throb in the knob, you’ve called the right clinic. How may we help you?